Self righteous

In recent weeks I have been faced with greater and greater challenges. In my walk with God and being called to full time ministry, I sometimes feel taking two steps and then all of a sudden I am pushed back 3. However the Lord continues to work on the most important component of a person. That is their heart.

James 17 5-10 and 2 Chronicles 16:9 illustrate how wicked and selfish the human heart is. It this rugged individualistic society, discussing the deepest desires of our heart goes against human nature. Every action and thought is controlled by some desire or priority of our heart. When I meet up with a student or have a spiritual conversation I always try to focus on the priorities of their heart. Our society even in the church has a priority of elevating sins. For example being an alcoholic or drunk attic is greater than being a idolizing money or politics. The biggest probelm with elevating sin is that it goes against the foundation of the gospel. Jesus Christ did not just die for broken sinful people, but he also died for gay people. He also died for Democrats, he also died for people in prison. If a Democrat or homosexual was to repent of their sins and accept Jesus as their lord and savior, that makes them a Christian.

God continues to crush the idea of being self righteous in my heart. I have in recent months continued to use my position and theology to make it look like I have it all together. Being involved in the church for so long, I know how to turn on the "I have it all together sign". God does not want some phony arrogant self righteous lunatic who has it all together. God wants us to come to him broken as a child as a sinner. He wants a heart that is soft so that his love and grace can heal us. I have experienced grace, however I continue to be like a "dog returning to its own vomit (Proverbs 23:11). And I continue to "crucify Jesus Christ and put him into public display and scorning" (Hebrews 6:6).

It does matter if you live a life giving millions to charity, or being a good moral person who attends church on Sunday. If Jesus Christ is not on the throne of your heart, you will not experience pure joy. I need God out of desperation because of my sinful nature. My prayer life and dialogue reflects that, however my thoughts and actions do not. This is the hardest lesson that I have had to learn, and from now on I want to be a humble man who will serve the needs of others greater than myself. I boast in nothing but the precious Lamb of Jesus Christ. I will labor and serve endlessly even in chaos because of the grace Jesus has shown me day in and day out.