How can I be a fisher, a warrior, a servant for my savior if I continue to serve myself. The more I serve myself the more I rely on myself the more I screw up. The more I curse the more imature I get. There has to be some transparency. There has to be some thankfulness. So stop complaining and use your talents that God has given you to be the light of the world. THERE ARE PEOPLE INCLUDING THOSE CLOSE TO YOU STRUGGLING...THERE ARE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU LOOKING FOR ANSWERS....THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED FAITH HOPE AND LOVE. So stop worrying about your situation and pray that God will give you the strength to show them how to be the light of the world. Repent before anything. Be thankful and never be complacent in the search for God's knowlege and love.